On today’s episode, I want to talk about a few trends in the caring of babies that differ between the US and Germany. This wouldn’t be a final list, just the beginning of observations I have made since having given birth last October. But I wanted to dive into the differences in parenting between these two countries, so let’s talk about it.
Hallöchen, Lieblings. I’m Mari, a sci/fi and fantasy author, who has been living in southern Germany since 2014.
So I want to get into the nitty gritty of talking about these differences, but before I get to my list I think it’s important to state that when we talk about parenting, people can get really up in arms about it. Once you start talking about parenting on an international level, sometimes it can turn into a huge xenophobic fight in either direction as people use it as an excuse to shit on how other countries approach parenting.
I don’t approve of that here. I think we can all agree that – for the most part – we parents are just trying to do the best for our kids. Some of these differences may be cultural, others may be because of societal pressures, infrastructure, and finances. So I am open to discussion about these topics, but no shitting on each other okay?
So let’s start this list:
1. Clothing sizes – Clothing sizes in the US are organized by age group while European sizes are based on the length of the child in cm. I like both but it depends on who I am to the child. Before I became a mom, I was squarely on team age group. But that’s because I was always the one buying clothes as gifts to my other mom friends and I didn’t know the length of the kid and if I asked, then the mom knew they were getting clothes and the gift wouldn’t be much of a surprise would it?
But now that I’m a mom, I see the benefit of the clothes being organized by actual size because I know how long Maus is so picking clothes is easy because I know the length will be closer to her size. However, the sizes are rather exact and sometimes you’re in that weird in between sizes like with sleeping sacks where they could be a smidge too small in one size and the other is WAY too big and there isn’t much in between since most of what I’ve seen have been in the 10s of centimeters and even then not always. Like I remember when Maus was size 68 cm, which is roughly 6 months and we needed a new sleeping sack and the only sizes I found at DM were 60 and 80. 60 was obviously too small and 80 was way too big…
Anyway, I think there are pros and cons to either and I think it comes down to preference. Which are yours? Let me know in the comments below.
And speaking of sleeping sacks….
2. Swaddle (Puke) vs Sleeping Sack (Schlafsack) – Americans SWEAR by swaddling while Schlafsaecke are VERY common in Germany. At least from what I’ve seen. When I was pregnant, all of my American relatives were going on and on about how I will need to swaddle my baby. Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle. My midwife also talked about the benefits of swaddling but I don’t think any of the moms in my birthing course or Geburtsvorbereitungskurs didn’t do swaddling – they all just used sleeping sacks or a Schlafsack.
I mostly used the Schlafsack, but there were times in the beginning when Maus was going through her witching hour and cried uncontrollably for a few hours every night, swaddling absolutely helped. I know a few moms tried swaddling their babies, but the babies sometimes became even more upset and it didn’t soothe them as it’s intended to. But every baby’s different and at least they tried.
I believe parents should be informed about both practices and see what works for their kid.
3. Breastfeeding – Now there are four camps when it comes to breastfeeding….
Exclusive Breastfeeding – this is what I did and what most of the moms in my group did. But this was made easy because we actually have maternity leave so we’re home and able to breastfeed our kids.
Exclusive Pumping – this is when your kid still gets breast milk, but through a bottle. I have seen this more in the States than in Germany. In fact, I don’t know anyone who did this in my group, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there in Deutschland. This is common among moms who don’t want to breastfeed or find it too painful but want their kid to get breastmilk.
BF/Pump – Then there’s a mix of Breastfeeding and pumping. I see this more among Americans than in Germany and it goes back to the theme of lack of maternity leave in the States. Women who want to breastfeed usually still have to go to work within weeks of giving birth so they have to pump. I did pump a bit, but it was really hard to find time when your kid feeds on you every hour….in the first several weeks.
Bottle/Formula – You see more formula in the States than in Germany but only because having help in regards to lactation consultants is limited in the States and I will cover that topic more in another episode. A lot of moms end up not breastfeeding at all in the States, which made the formula shortage in the States a special hell for a lot of families. In Germany, my midwife made it clear that formula is a perfectly good choice if you don’t want to breastfeed or you don’t have enough milk.
4. Prams and Strollers – For my German audience, a pram is the Wanne and the Stroller is the buggie, or sportsitz depending on what you have. Pretty much every parent in Germany starts with the pram, Germans like to walk and that doesn’t end because you have a baby.
In the States, pretty much rich people who can afford nannies will have prams because they have the means to hire someone to walk the kid for them. Americans don’t have time to walk their kids since they have to be back at work like five minutes after giving birth – a hyperbole, I know. And strollers are expensive and since Americans are unable to walk a lot, it’s an investment many avoid.
And as a side note: I say Americans are unable to walk only because our infrastructure only allows for cars. There are very few sidewalks or places to walk your kid without having to drive there first. So when a lot of parents get some kind of stroller for her newborn, it’s usually an attachment to their car seat because that is an investment everyone has to make.
And speaking of…..
5. Car Seats – Something that cracks me up on social media is when someone posts a photo of a kid in a car seat that looks like this….and American moms come OUT OF THE WOODWORK to remind the mom or reprimand her for not positioning the chest clip correctly.
Um….there is no chest clip, guys. In some countries, chest clips are illegal while in the US they are a legal requirement. I have even some American moms getting after parents for not using their car seats on planes….like……hä? Sadly, it is usually Americans and then a plethora of replies reminding these moms that not everything functions like the US. Not all car seats have chest clips.
But one thing I do find interesting. In the States when you first take your kid home, you usually have the hospital or you go to the police station to have them install the car seat for you. At least in my experience in Germany, we didn’t do that. In fact, the day we took Maus home, we couldn’t get the car seat to click in with the iso-fix thingy in our car. It was stressful and frustrating. I had to take the baby out of the car seat so my husband could try and figure it out. He got it and we are experts on this car seat…..of course now we will be needing to get a new one soon cause Maus is about to outgrow hers…..
And finally….
6. Back to Sleep/Tummy Time – So I didn’t think to comment on this until I saw a TikTok of an American woman living in France who brought up Tummy Time with different pediatricians for both of her children and they looked at her like she had a second head. According to her, the French don’t do tummy time. It didn’t occur to me that other countries didn’t emphasize the importance of tummy time. But this is something that Germany and the US have in common. When I was in the hospital, the on-call pediatrician talked me through the importance of making sure my baby slept on her back at night and during the day got as much tummy time as possible to make sure she didn’t get a flat head. Which is very similar to the advice American moms get.
I just thought that was interesting and I had to bring it up. If you’re curious about the TikTok, I linked it below/.
Like I said before, these are my observations. Just because I may not have seen these things in Germany, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. My little pocket of Germany is VERY small so I could easily miss something.
What do you think? What are your thoughts on all of this? There are no wrong answers and I’d love to know your thoughts. Let me know in the comments below!
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And that’s it. Until next time. Adee.
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